Post by cindyjeans on Mar 18, 2008 18:38:09 GMT -5
And so comes an end to our reading of Macbeth at school.... (yay?) Saa, I am eager to finish it only to start something else. I really like Macbeth ALOT! Hell I drew FANART of MACBETH wtf!? DX
I'm only a leeeetle insane (=w=)
Anyway on another note, let's see. I was going to say..say..say...that wasn't it....
Geez I'm so out of wack right now I cant even keep mymind on one thing.
I hope I can sort things out.
This summer me and Zexy and Roxy are going to Metrocon and maybe disney too. However I dont think I could get all the money to go. Which makes me so saaaad. I wanted to go to a con once more before I got wrapped up in college.
I've been thinking about moving out lately. My friend has an apartment that she offered me to take a room in. I'd love to do that however I dont think I could support my end finacially if I did do that. I have to start paying for my car insurance and gas on my own come this summer and that is complete dread. Roxy pointed out last night now I seem tense and at unease here at my grandparents house. Stopping to think about it I am always on my toes. I have to constantly worry about how I will be viewed or what my grandparents will think. They are constantly judging me and scrutinizing every little thing I do...
It's better than back home but sometimes I wonder, cuz this is just as stressful if only on a different level and for a different reason.
I dont really know what do right now and then of course I'm a little freaking about prom. Its coming up soon and for the first time ever SOMEON ASKED ME OUT!
He's cute and shy and a real romantic. A true rennaisance man he wrote me a beautiful poem and gave me flowers. I'm so embarrassed, however Ihaven't seen him since my birthday since he's been so sick at home.
I drew him a picture and wrote get well soon on it hoping his friend Nick will give it to him. Nick is sweet he is a good friend and I don't doubt him.
Anyway on another note...
I woner everyday how I'm going to pull through. Each day my friends problems overwhelm me and I keep saying, "Well I dont have it so bad..." then I look and see that I'm not too happy...well not here.
I feel so terrible saying that because my grandparents have done so much for me...they support me and love me.
Yet...yet...yet....I dont think they will ever understand me...........our worlds are too different.
I am afraid how I shall confront this hurdle never mind make it over it.
If I move out I am faced with the whole money issue..... Life is becoming so hard.
I want to be independant...I want to take a step to becoming more reliable on myself an not on others.
I want people to see that I'm not useless...helpless...or a failure...
And maybe its foolish but I think staying here and being coddled isn't helping me...its smothering me...
My aunts are mad and jealous of the attention I recieve and they dont understand me either....
So many ppl care and support me but I dont have anyone I can truly trust or rely on......................................
How'd I get trapped in this reality and belief that I was happy?
I smile more now...more than ever....wehn I'm not in this box of a house though....I smile more...
I don't know what do anymore...
I want to grow up...
I dont want to be a child anymore...
I cant live like a child anymore...
The hardest decision of my life............................
I'm only a leeeetle insane (=w=)
Anyway on another note, let's see. I was going to say..say..say...that wasn't it....
Geez I'm so out of wack right now I cant even keep mymind on one thing.
I hope I can sort things out.
This summer me and Zexy and Roxy are going to Metrocon and maybe disney too. However I dont think I could get all the money to go. Which makes me so saaaad. I wanted to go to a con once more before I got wrapped up in college.
I've been thinking about moving out lately. My friend has an apartment that she offered me to take a room in. I'd love to do that however I dont think I could support my end finacially if I did do that. I have to start paying for my car insurance and gas on my own come this summer and that is complete dread. Roxy pointed out last night now I seem tense and at unease here at my grandparents house. Stopping to think about it I am always on my toes. I have to constantly worry about how I will be viewed or what my grandparents will think. They are constantly judging me and scrutinizing every little thing I do...
It's better than back home but sometimes I wonder, cuz this is just as stressful if only on a different level and for a different reason.
I dont really know what do right now and then of course I'm a little freaking about prom. Its coming up soon and for the first time ever SOMEON ASKED ME OUT!
He's cute and shy and a real romantic. A true rennaisance man he wrote me a beautiful poem and gave me flowers. I'm so embarrassed, however Ihaven't seen him since my birthday since he's been so sick at home.
I drew him a picture and wrote get well soon on it hoping his friend Nick will give it to him. Nick is sweet he is a good friend and I don't doubt him.
Anyway on another note...
I woner everyday how I'm going to pull through. Each day my friends problems overwhelm me and I keep saying, "Well I dont have it so bad..." then I look and see that I'm not too happy...well not here.
I feel so terrible saying that because my grandparents have done so much for me...they support me and love me.
Yet...yet...yet....I dont think they will ever understand me...........our worlds are too different.
I am afraid how I shall confront this hurdle never mind make it over it.
If I move out I am faced with the whole money issue..... Life is becoming so hard.
I want to be independant...I want to take a step to becoming more reliable on myself an not on others.
I want people to see that I'm not useless...helpless...or a failure...
And maybe its foolish but I think staying here and being coddled isn't helping me...its smothering me...
My aunts are mad and jealous of the attention I recieve and they dont understand me either....
So many ppl care and support me but I dont have anyone I can truly trust or rely on......................................
How'd I get trapped in this reality and belief that I was happy?
I smile more now...more than ever....wehn I'm not in this box of a house though....I smile more...
I don't know what do anymore...
I want to grow up...
I dont want to be a child anymore...
I cant live like a child anymore...
The hardest decision of my life............................